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September 2009

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Guess Who? Chelsea, that's Who! (Writer's Block: Pecking Order)

Are you an oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? How do you think it has influenced your personality?
One of my friends texted me a while ago and said "I'm so tired of being alone..."

Too bad she picked the only child to whine to.

I don't know how to act around people. I come home from school every day and I'm usually the only one home. I'm constantly alone and I'm used to having things that way... so it's hard for me to make friends because it's so weird for me to have all these people around.

I'm kind of a pushover too. I'll do what other people want to rather than pick what we should do myself. I'll lend out clothes to my friends when I really don't want to. I'll buy food for friends, and I'll pretend I have an opinion that I really don't just to agree with everyone. I don't want to stick out -- I just want to blend in. To belong with someone.

And in some ways, that's good. I mean, I didn't start high school with my older sibling's reputation in front of me; I got to start something by myself. But at the same time... I don't think I look at relationships the way that other people do. I can't really grasp concrete relationships -- are these really the people that I'll still talk to in ten years? Everything is temporary to me besides my parents. I'm totally prepared for a future alone, without anyone, and that kind of bums me out when I think about it.